Why Do We Keep Seeking Validation Even After Receiving Praise? – The Psychology of Recognition Needs

The presentation ended, and your manager said, "Good job." But on the way home, that moment keeps replaying in your mind. 'Did they really mean it?', 'Was it just polite courtesy?' The next morning, you find yourself recalling their expression and tone once again. Why doesn't this feeling of uncertainty go away, even after receiving praise?

This is a surprisingly common experience. Many people find themselves repeatedly questioning whether praise is genuine, sufficient, or lasting.

Why the Need for Recognition Exists

In psychology, the need for recognition refers to the fundamental motivation to have one's value confirmed by others. Social psychologist Roy Baumeister has emphasized the evolutionary background in which humans, as social animals, needed acceptance and recognition within groups for survival. In other words, others' evaluations were not merely emotional matters but psychological signals confirming 'whether I deserve to belong to this group.'

This need still operates in modern society. Recognition at work, within family, and among friends all serve as resources for maintaining the self-concept of 'I am a valuable person.'

Why Anxiety Remains After Praise

There are two main psychological mechanisms that explain why we want to keep checking even after receiving praise.

First is conditional self-worth. This concept, proposed by psychologist Carl Rogers, occurs when one's sense of value becomes dependent on external conditions—performance, others' evaluations, role fulfillment. In such cases, praise provides 'temporary stability' but soon requires 'the next praise.' Like a battery that drains quickly, self-esteem cannot be sustained long with just one positive evaluation.

Second is sensitivity to uncertainty. The human brain dislikes ambiguous information. While "Good job" is positive, the sincerity, standards, and sustainability behind those words remain uncertain. This uncertainty triggers rumination, eventually leading to the desire to 'check once more.'

Patterns of Repeated Verification Needs

Asking your manager follow-up questions about the same topic the day after receiving praise. Asking your partner "Do you love me?" and then asking again a few days later despite getting an answer. Repeatedly checking the number of likes on a social media post. All of these are behavioral patterns that emerge when the need for recognition goes unfulfilled.

From the perspective of Self-Determination Theory, such verification needs can be interpreted as signals of relying more on extrinsic motivation than intrinsic motivation. In other words, this phenomenon becomes prominent when one tends to confirm value through external recognition rather than finding satisfaction and meaning internally.

Healthy vs. Unstable Need for Recognition

The need for recognition itself is not pathological. Rather, it's a natural social motivation. The problem arises when that need becomes 'conditional' and 'unstable.' If you don't feel settled even after receiving praise, it may be a warning sign that your self-worth is overly dependent on external evaluation.

Psychologist Kristin Neff suggests this can be supplemented through the concept of self-compassion. The ability to maintain the internal conviction that 'I am a good person' even without others' praise is important.

Daily Observation Points

When you receive praise, you can ask yourself these questions: 'Would I be satisfied with what I did even without this praise?', 'Can I feel the meaning of my actions without others' evaluation?'

Also, when you feel the urge to repeatedly verify, observing that urge itself can be helpful. 'What am I trying to confirm right now?', 'Will this verification give me real stability, or just temporary relief?'

The desire to be recognized is human nature. However, if that desire constantly makes you anxious, you need practice in gradually moving the standards of recognition inward. Making others' praise a bonus while your own satisfaction becomes the default—building such a psychological structure can be the starting point for maintaining a healthy need for recognition.

This article is reference content based on general psychological information, and interpretations may vary depending on individual circumstances.