Why Praise Can Feel Like a Burden – The Psychology of Expectations and Pressure

The project presentation ended, and the team leader approached. "You did a great job. I'm glad I assigned this to you." Instead of joy, the first thought that came to mind was 'Do I have to perform at this level next time too?' On the way home, the happiness from the praise had already faded, replaced only by the pressure that 'since I did well this time, I need to do even better next time.'

Many people have similar experiences. Moments when praise feels less like motivation and more like a heavy burden.

The Psychological Mechanism Behind Burdensome Praise

Psychology explains the phenomenon of praise turning into burden through several theories. One is expectancy theory. Praise doesn't simply acknowledge past performance—it sets expectations for the future. The words "You did well" contain an implicit message: "I expect you'll continue to perform at this level."

Social psychologist Robert Rosenthal's research on the Pygmalion effect showed that others' expectations actually influence performance. The problem is that these expectations don't only work as positive motivation. When expectation levels become excessively high, they transform into anxiety and pressure instead.

Perfectionism and the Paradox of Praise

Many people who find praise burdensome have perfectionist tendencies. Psychologist Thomas Greenspon defined perfectionism as "the tendency to pursue only perfection while being unable to tolerate mistakes or flaws."

For perfectionists, praise is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it's confirmation that their efforts have been recognized, but simultaneously it's interpreted as 'this level has now become my baseline.' The pressure that next time can't be worse than this, or the compulsion to do even better, comes along with the praise.

How the Type of Praise Matters

Psychologist Carol Dweck's research on growth mindset shows how crucial the manner of praise is. Dweck distinguished between ability praise like "You're so smart" and effort praise like "You worked really hard."

Children who received ability praise tended to avoid difficult tasks afterward. They feared that if they failed, they'd be evaluated as 'not smart.' In contrast, children who received effort praise more actively attempted challenging tasks.

The same applies to adults. Praise like "You're an expert in this field" creates pressure to maintain that identity. Meanwhile, praise like "This approach was effective" focuses on specific actions and is relatively less burdensome.

Social Comparison and Relative Pressure

Another reason praise feels burdensome is its connection to social comparison. According to social comparison theory proposed by psychologist Leon Festinger, people evaluate their abilities and opinions by comparing themselves to others.

Imagine being praised in a meeting room: "This project succeeded thanks to Manager Kim." It feels good momentarily, but soon you become conscious of colleagues' gazes. 'What will others think if only I receive praise?', 'Won't I disappoint them if I don't produce similar results next time?' Praise highlights one's position within the group, but simultaneously brings the pressure to maintain that position.

The Rising of Internalized Standards

When praise is received repeatedly, it becomes internalized as a new standard. What was initially thought of as 'this is good enough' transforms after receiving praise into 'now this is the baseline and I need to do better.'

From the perspective of Self-Determination Theory, this can be interpreted as extrinsic motivation encroaching on intrinsic motivation. If someone originally found joy in the work itself, repeated praise can shift the structure to 'working to receive praise.' When that happens, motivation drops sharply without praise, or disappointment and anxiety arise when the level of praise doesn't meet expectations.

Accepting Praise Healthily

To accept praise without burden requires some shifts in perspective. First is the practice of receiving praise as recognition of the past rather than an obligation for the future. "You did well" should be interpreted as "what you did this time was good," not "you must continue to do well."

Second is separating praise from one's value to see it as a result of actions. Praise is feedback on specific actions you took, not an evaluation of you as a whole person.

Daily Observation Points

Observe your first reaction when receiving praise. Does joy come first, or burden? If burden comes first, it's necessary to think specifically about where that burden originates. 'Is it pressure to continue performing well?', 'Is being compared to others uncomfortable?', 'Is it because of my own standard of needing to be perfect?'

You can also check whether you show immediate negative reactions like "No, it wasn't that good" when receiving praise. While this might be an expression of modesty, it can sometimes be a defense mechanism from feeling undeserving of praise or trying to avoid expectations that come with it.

Praise is inherently positive feedback. However, depending on how you accept it, it can become either motivation or pressure. What matters is the composure to accept praise as present recognition rather than future shackles. When you can break free from the compulsion to maintain perfection and simply accept praise as a positive moment of feedback, that's when praise truly becomes powerful.

This article is reference content based on general psychological information, and interpretations may vary depending on individual circumstances.