Why It's Hard to Say You Like What You Like – The Psychology of Taste and Self-Esteem

Sitting in a cafe with friends, the conversation turns to music. "What are you listening to these days?" someone asks. A song you've been playing on repeat comes to mind, but you hesitate to say it out loud. 'Will they think it's outdated?', 'What if my taste seems childish?' You end up saying, "Oh, just a bit of everything."

This scene repeats often. Many people find it surprisingly difficult to openly share their favorite movies, books they read, or hobbies they enjoy, instead choosing to speak vaguely or hide them altogether.

Why Taste Connects to Self-Esteem

In psychology, taste is not merely a matter of preference but is considered part of one's self-identity. Sociologist Pierre Bourdieu analyzed how taste is closely linked to an individual's social position, educational level, and cultural capital. In other words, what we like cannot be separated from the question of 'who am I.'

Therefore, revealing one's taste is like showing a part of oneself to others. When that taste is positively received, self-esteem is reinforced, but when it's negatively evaluated, it can feel as if one's very identity is being rejected.

Others' Gaze and Impression Management

Social psychologist Erving Goffman explained through impression management theory how people present themselves to others. We constantly calculate 'how we'll be perceived' in daily life, and taste becomes part of that calculation.

The problem is that in this process, we distinguish between 'safe tastes' and 'risky tastes.' Popular and mainstream tastes are easy to mention, but tastes that are niche or divisive are harder to share. This anxiety intensifies especially when one's taste differs from the implicit standards of their group.

The Fear of Being Judged

The difficulty in saying "I'm planning to watch anime at home" when discussing weekend plans with coworkers. The reluctance to confess "I actually prefer fantasy novels" at a book club. Behind all these situations lies evaluation anxiety.

Psychological research shows that people predict how their tastes will be interpreted by others, and when that prediction is negative, they tend to adopt defensive attitudes. This goes beyond simply 'caring what others think'—it's interpreted as a psychological strategy to maintain social acceptance and belonging.

Hierarchy of Taste and Cultural Capital

As Bourdieu pointed out, there exists an invisible hierarchy of taste in society. Classical music is classified as high taste, while trot is considered popular taste, for example. These distinctions aren't explicit but operate implicitly, and when people feel their taste belongs to a 'lower hierarchy,' they tend to hide or make excuses for it.

Adding qualifiers like "It's kind of childish but it's fun..." or creating distance with phrases like "I don't usually watch this kind of thing, but I happened to..." reflects this same context.

Internalized Standards and Self-Censorship

What's interesting is that we censor our own tastes even when no one is actually criticizing us. Psychology explains this through the concept of the internalized other. Through repeated social experiences, standards of 'what shouldn't be said' become established internally and operate automatically even without actual others present.

Canceling a post about favorite music on social media, picking up a book of interest at a bookstore only to put it back down. All of these are results of self-censorship according to internalized standards.

Authenticity and Self-Acceptance

Psychologist Carl Rogers viewed authenticity as a core element of healthy self-development. The greater the gap between one's true self and the self shown to others, the more psychological discomfort increases.

The same applies to taste. When we can't say we like what we like, we're essentially suppressing part of ourselves. If that suppression repeats, it can lead to confusion: 'What did I really like anyway?'

Daily Observation Points

The first step is observing when you hide your tastes. 'With whom am I more cautious?', 'What kinds of tastes are harder to share?' Simply recognizing these patterns deepens self-understanding.

You can also check whether you're adding unnecessary disclaimers or qualifiers when mentioning your tastes. If you're using expressions like "It's weird but..." or "I don't really like it but..." that preemptively diminish your choices, that's likely a defense mechanism.

Practicing honest expression of what you like can start small. Try it first in relationships where you feel safe, or express your tastes in spaces with anonymity like online communities. As you accumulate experiences showing that others' reactions aren't as negative as expected, anxiety about revealing your tastes gradually decreases.

Taste isn't a matter of right or wrong. Some people like classical music, some like hip-hop, and some like both. What matters is whether that taste is truly yours and whether you can accept it as it is. When self-acceptance precedes others' evaluations, taste finally becomes a resource that supports self-esteem.

This article is reference content based on general psychological information, and interpretations may vary depending on individual circumstances.