Why Praise Makes You Anxious – The Psychology of Perfectionism and Approval

The meeting ends, and your manager approaches you. "Your presentation today was excellent." Yet strangely, something feels unsettled inside. 'Was that genuine? Or just a polite remark?' Moments from the presentation where you stumbled flash through your mind like a slideshow.

Praise is clearly positive feedback. So why do some people feel more anxious the more compliments they receive?

The Dual Nature of Praise

Psychology explains this through the interaction between the 'need for approval' and 'perfectionism.' Canadian psychologists Gordon Flett and Paul Hewitt distinguished three dimensions of perfectionism. Among them, 'socially prescribed perfectionism' refers to the tendency to believe that others expect perfection from you.

For those with this tendency, praise is not simple encouragement. It becomes a new standard: 'I must continue to meet these expectations.' Praise transforms from recognition of achievement into pressure for the next task.

This is a surprisingly common experience. Receiving positive feedback at work, only to feel more burdened by the next project. Scoring high on an exam but feeling tense thinking 'I need to do even better next time.' These individuals interpret praise as 'rising expectations.'

The Inner Standards of Perfectionists

Psychologist Carol Dweck categorized people's achievement attitudes into 'fixed mindset' and 'growth mindset.' Those with a fixed mindset view their abilities as unchangeable. When praised, they interpret it as validation that 'I am smart,' then fear making mistakes afterward. Because they believe ability is fixed, a single failure becomes evidence that 'I am inadequate.'

Meanwhile, people with strong perfectionist tendencies set excessively high internal standards. What psychology calls 'self-oriented perfectionism' refers to imposing unrealistic expectations on oneself. Even when praised, these individuals remain trapped in thoughts like 'I'm still not good enough' or 'I could have done better.'

Many people repeat this pattern. They lose balance between external positive evaluations and internal negative self-assessments.

The Anxiety Created by the Need for Approval

The need for approval is one of humanity's basic psychological needs. In psychologist Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the 'need for esteem' is presented as an important stage. The desire to be recognized by others is natural.

Problems arise when the need for approval becomes excessive. When a habit forms of confirming one's worth solely through others' evaluations, praise provides temporary relief but soon leads back to anxiety. Thoughts like 'Will I receive praise next time too?' and 'What if I don't meet expectations?' never cease.

Psychology calls this 'contingent self-esteem.' It describes a state where self-esteem depends on external conditions—performance, others' evaluations, social success. In such cases, even receiving praise doesn't create inner stability. Some even devalue themselves, thinking 'I was just lucky this time.'

How to Accept Praise

To change the pattern of becoming anxious in the face of praise, it's important to first observe what psychological structure you have.

• What's the first thought that comes to mind when you receive praise?
• Do you feel 'burdened' before feeling 'grateful'?
• Do you think about 'next expectations' before the content of the praise itself?

These questions become a starting point for understanding your perfectionist tendencies and level of need for approval.

Psychological research suggests that cultivating a growth mindset can be helpful. It's the practice of accepting praise not as an assessment that 'I am smart' but as recognition of the process that 'I worked hard.' This allows you to view mistakes or failures not as a lack of ability, but as part of the growth process.

It's also necessary to check whether your internal standards are realistic. The goal of 'perfection' is unattainable. Psychologists distinguish between 'adaptive perfectionism' and 'maladaptive perfectionism,' with the former referring to an attitude that pursues high standards while maintaining flexibility.

For praise not to lead to anxiety, practice finding value in your own experience rather than others' evaluations. Ask yourself process-oriented questions like 'What did I learn while preparing this presentation?' or 'In what areas did I grow?'

Praise is a signal that you did well. You don't have to turn it into pressure for the next task.

※ This article is reference content based on general psychological information, and interpretations may vary depending on individual circumstances.