Common Traits of People Raised Without Praise
You successfully completed a project at work. Your supervisor says, "Great job," but somehow it feels uncomfortable. Your face gets hot, and "Oh, it's nothing really" automatically slips out. When a friend says, "You're really amazing," you brush it off with a joke or awkwardly change the subject.
If these reactions feel familiar, you may not have received enough praise during childhood.
Praise is not just kind words. In psychology, it's called "positive reinforcement" and is understood to play a crucial role in forming self-concept. Developmental psychologists explain that recognition and encouragement received during childhood build the foundation of self-esteem. So what do people who lacked this foundation look like as adults?
The Pattern of Rejecting or Minimizing Praise
The first characteristic people who grew up without praise show is a rejection response to compliments. They habitually say things like "It's nothing special," "I just got lucky," or "Anyone could do it."
According to research by psychologist Carol Dweck, when children receive only outcome-based evaluations rather than acknowledgment of effort, or receive no recognition at all, their internal attribution for achievement weakens. In simpler terms, they cannot accept their own abilities or efforts as the reason for success.
This is a surprisingly common situation. Many people produce good results yet think "It was just luck" and underestimate themselves.
Chronic Self-Doubt and Anxiety
The second characteristic is constant self-doubt.
Even after accomplishing something, thoughts like "Did I really do well?" or "Can I do it again next time?" don't leave the mind. Even after acing a test or successfully completing a project, the anxiety doesn't disappear. Instead, the fear of "What if I can't do it next time?" grows larger.
This is due to an internalized critical voice. If during childhood you frequently heard "You could do better" or "Is this your best?" or received no response at all, that voice becomes embedded internally. You become your own harsh evaluator.
The Cycle of Perfectionism and Burnout
A significant number of people who grew up without praise display perfectionist tendencies.
There's no standard for "good enough." They always feel they must do better and cannot tolerate even small mistakes. This pattern appears as a frequently repeated scenario. Working late into the night, feeling uncomfortable even on days off, and eventually collapsing from exhaustion.
Psychology explains this as "conditional self-esteem." It's a pattern of trying to prove one's worth solely through achievement. If you were loved or recognized only "when you did well" as a child, you feel pressure to constantly prove yourself as an adult.
The problem is that genuine joy of achievement isn't felt in this process. Even when goals are reached, there's only brief relief, soon followed by anxiety about the next goal.
Difficulties in Relationships
The experience of growing up without praise also affects interpersonal relationships.
It's hard to believe when others say they like you. You doubt with "What could they possibly like about me?" or worry in advance, "They'll be disappointed later." Even in intimate relationships, you frequently put yourself down and keep seeking confirmation of the other person's love.
From an attachment theory perspective, people who didn't receive sufficient emotional responses in childhood are more likely to form insecure attachment styles. Their ability to internalize others' positive evaluations becomes weakened.
How to Break Free from This Pattern
Having these characteristics is not a fault. However, recognizing your own patterns is the first step.
When you receive praise, instead of automatically denying it, try pausing and simply saying "Thank you." Recording small achievements and taking time to acknowledge them yourself is also helpful. The simple act of writing "three things I did well today" in a diary can start the change.
Many people have similar experiences. You don't need to feel like you're the only one who's different. What matters is what voice you'll give yourself from now on.
Growing up without praise is in the past, but how you treat yourself now is a present choice. Those choices accumulate to create a new inner voice.
※ This article is reference content based on general psychological information and may be interpreted differently depending on individual circumstances.